Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
