This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
