You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
