I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
