Please, let me fuck your mom
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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