I wish I only lived at night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
