i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
