When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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