respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
