Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
