The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
