just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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