i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
