Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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