pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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