The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
