I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
