i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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