What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
