so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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