There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
