You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
