ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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