Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
