It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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