I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm at about main and main street
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
