At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
