btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
