so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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