She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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