You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
