I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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