Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
