i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
