What a fucking waste of an outfit
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
