can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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