I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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