margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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