i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just invented taco cereal.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
