So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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