He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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