I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
