he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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