highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
