Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
its liver damage thursday
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize