Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
