You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
