apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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