If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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