I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
