I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
