So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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