Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
