if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
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