oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm too high and old for this...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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