If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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