i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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