addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
