my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
