I'm going to jail i love you
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
