I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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