Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
