dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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