I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
All the doctor said was why
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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